The Queen of Lies
by Ainnenoi Aurum
Summary: Haruhi noticed that Tamaki didn't want to spend the rest of the Ouran fair with Eclair Tonerre. She decided to do something about it. Who knew that Haruhi was so good at manipulating people?


A/N: This is set in the middle of episode 25, when Eclair has just mentioned how exhausted everyone must be from trying to keep up with him. Oh, I'm fairly sure everyone's rather OOC, but that's sorta the premise. What if Haruhi was good at reading people and lying.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, and never will. Well, unless I fall through a dimensional hole, travel backwards in time, and recreate it under a different alias, but really, how likely is that?

* * *

'Could that be true? Is everyone making sacrifices just to keep me happy? Haruhi could be much closer to becoming a lawyer if I hadn't forced her into this club. She came here to study, but I've completely monopolized all of her free time.' Tamaki thought, fingers clenching the piano keys slightly.

Haruhi groaned internally on the other side of the door. 'That little idiot!' Haruhi thought. 'Great, now Tamaki-senpai is going to be all depressed and stuff. I'd better snap Tamaki-senpai out of it.' She studiously avoided thinking the rest of her sentiment, which would have gone something like 'And maybe get a little revenge on that bitch, too.' had Haruhi been the jealous type. Which she wasn't.

Eclair turned towards the door as a click resounded through the room. One of the Host Club came in - it was the scholarship student, Fujioka? Fujioka walked across the room swiftly, white tuxedo flaring slightly behind him. He came to a stop just behind Tamaki and...smacked him?

"Ow!" Tamaki whined, "Why did you do that...Haruhi? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out with the others?"

Haruhi smiled. "I was, but then I checked a clock. I know you, Senpai, and I know my dad. You're both bipolar. If someone isn't around who knows to slap you out of it occasionally, you'll end up wallowing in misery. Remember the Mushroom Room? We wouldn't want a repeat of that, now would we?"

"Wha-no-I AM NOT BIPOLAR!" Tamaki yelled, unable to believe this. Was this really his Haruhi-chan, so sweet and loving, full of dreams and kindness?

"Of course you're not," Haruhi soothed absently as she turned to Eclair, who was looking a lot less pleased with having Tamaki escorting her all of a sudden. "He likes to think that he's completely normal, but I've been dealing with my father far too long to not know the signs. He's bipolar."

"Are you sure?" Eclair asked, "I was under the impression that there was medicine for something like that."

"Oh there is," Haruhi assured her, "It's just, well, not many people know this, but the medicine? It's just a placebo. Tamaki wouldn't expect much from a pill,-" ("Hey, I'll have you know that I have utmost faith in doctors!" Tamaki protested.) "-so they would be almost useless. Besides, can you imagine the scandal? 'The heir to the Suou family has bipolar disorder? How dreadful! It must that mother of his, the one no one knows anything about! Can the boy possibly be qualified to run a family of such a reputation as the Suou family?' Why, Tamaki would be kicked out on the curb in an instant if word got out! That's why it's absolutely essential that one of the Host Club accompany him at all times that he is off of his family's estates. So we can protect him."

"I...see..." Eclair said, the ideas that Suou's grandmother had been suggesting, of marriage, disappearing before her eyes. "Suou-san, if you will excuse me, I have something I would like to discuss with your grandmother." Eclair stood up and walked out of the room, intent on finding the Suou's matriarch and informing her that there was no chance of any sort of engagement between the Tonerre and Suou families.

Tamaki watched her go, awe-struck, before remembering that he was mad at Haruhi. "Haruhi! What was that about? I am NOT bipolar! How could my loving daughter say that about her father!"

Haruhi just stood there, ignoring the Tamaki-storm. When he stopped, panting and out of breath, Haruhi raised an eyebrow. "Are you quite finished, Tamaki-senpai?"

"Yeah," Tamaki panted.

"Do you want an explanation for that, or not."

"Yes."

"Well, when I was in middle school, before I got sucked into the Host Club, I used to help my dad at the transvestite club he works at. I got to be a pretty good reader of people." Haruhi said, remembering long afternoons working as a waitress.

"Very interesting. Haruhi has a sordid past that no one knew about, but that has nothing to do with you calling me bipolar."

"I'm getting to that. _Anyway_ I'm pretty good at reading people. I also learned self-defense and pressure points, but that's beside the point. So, I saw how Ms. Eclair Tonerre was looking at you. She and your grandmother had plans for you. Plans that included a ring and a white dress."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! YOU MEAN THAT MY GRANDMOTHER WAS PLANNING ON MAKING ME BE A CROSS-DRESSER LIKE HARUHI-CHAN'S DAD!!!!!!" Tamaki yelled, spazzing out at the thought of cross-dressing, before thinking that maybe Haruhi admired crossdressers. Enter 'The Inner Theatre of Tamaki's Mind'.

_Haruhi sighed, a blush adorning her face as she gazed at a cross-dressing Tamaki. _

"_Oh, senpai. You're so manly, willing to dress up like a woman, just to please your family."_

_Tamaki grinned, swinging her around. "I will do this for them, but it is for you my heart beats, Haru-"_

"Tamaki, you're an idiot." POOF! There went the Inner Theatre. "I meant that they were planning on making you marry her. I also saw that you really disliked her. So, I figured I should save you, seeing as how you're my friend and all. Plus, this way, if she does say that, you can go in for a test, prove you don't have bipolar disorder and make the Tonerre family look like a bunch of liars."

Tamaki gaped. "H-how did my little Haru-chan end up so devious?"

Haruhi grinned. "Well, let's just say that, while Kyoya-senpai may be good at controlling the Host Club indirectly, _I _ know how to put a spin on things so that everything ends up the way I want it to end up."

Tamaki gaped. (again) "Y-you're a shadow puppeteer!"

Haruhi shook her head. "No, just really good at twisting words and bull-shitting. I am the _queen_ of bull-shitting." She glanced at her watch. "D'you think we've been here long enough for Tonerre-san to have gotten to your grandmother and said she didn't want to be escorted by you anymore?"

Tamaki nodded his head, a little fuzzy from awe that his little Haruhi-chan was so good t manipulating people.

"That's great! Let's go find the others!" Haruhi said, dragging Tamaki towards the door by the collar, having already realized that Tamaki was in no state to walk by himself.

Five minutes later they found the rest of the Host Club.

"Tama-chan!" Hani called, "Haru-chan! But, I thought Tama-chan was going to be with Tonerre-chan the entire fair. Why is he here?"

Haruhi grinned. "Oh, I think Lady Tonerre just found out something about Tamki-senpai that she didn't particularly like. I doubt she is going to be bothering us anytime soon."

"Hey," Kaoru started.

"-what's wrong-" Hikaru continued.

"-with Tamaki?"

"He doesn't-"

"-look too-"

"-good." The twins finished together.

"Hmm," Kyoya mused, leaning down and looking at the blubbering Tamaki lying on the ground, "he appears to have received some sort of shock. I wonder what happened?"

Haruhi groaned. "The idiot." She walked over to Tamaki. "Oi, Tamaki-senpai! Snap out of it!"

"H-h-HARUHI!" Tamaki screamed, scrambling backwards on his hands and feet. It was a rather amusing sight. Or at least, it would have been if he wasn't utterly terrified.

"..." No one knew what to say.

"What did-"

"-you do-"

"-to him?" Well, no one except the twins.

"Nothing," Haruhi answered, glaring at Tamaki. "Senpai, knock it off! I don't know what is running through your head, but I am not. Going. To. Hurt. You!"

That snapped Tamaki out of it. "O-of course. You're right, Haruhi."

And everything was back to normal.

"Oh, Tamaki! You're so cool and kind and awesome! You're just like a fairy tale prince!"

"Only for you, my darling." Tamaki whispered, catching the girl's hands in his own. Cue the sparkles and high-pitched squealing.

Well, normal for the Host Club. Except for the fact that Kyoya occasionally caught Tamaki staring at Haruhi with a mildly frightened look on his face, and Kyoya would once again wonder what exactly had happened to change Eclair Tonerre's mind about spending the fair with Tamaki.

* * *

So...there's my story of how Haruhi manages to dissuade Eclair from trying to marry Tamaki. Without Eclair even realizing she's being manipulated. Isn't Haruhi just awesome like that?


End file.
